


Scars of the Past

by Burgie



Category: Star Stable Online
Genre: M/M, warning for body horror I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-12 10:07:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17465501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burgie/pseuds/Burgie
Summary: Desperate, Daine asks Ydris to look into the pain that his scar causes him. Daine belongs to HellishSam.





	Scars of the Past

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HellishSam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HellishSam/gifts).



Daine had enjoyed the pain play, at first. Something about being powerless under Ydris' control, about feeling the pleasure-pain zinging across the scar that slashed through his shoulderblades, made Daine come alive in ways that not much else did. At first, anyway. And every other time, when he requested it (and Ydris always asked, of course he always asked, ever conscious of Daine's needs and comfort), Daine still enjoyed that tingle that curled his toes and made him cry out so loud that the wagon all but shook with it. But after that first time... there had been an ache that had lingered in his scar for some time. Almost like old sunburn, really. And, gradually, that ache had progressed to more acute pain after each session, stabbing in the place where he knew wings had once been. It hadn’t been long before he’d put a stop to that pain-play, after the pain had left him immobile after one session. He’d never seen Ydris look so ashamed of himself, nor so horrified.

He awoke to a nightmare one night, sweat rolling down his skin. Pain pulsed from the place where he'd been so cruelly injured, making Daine's breath come in short, sharp pants. His eyes burning with tears, Daine clutched his head in his hands, trying to breathe through the pain. It had never been this bad before. And sure, sometimes the recurring nightmares about the pink world and Garnok did leave Daine in a considerable amount of pain, but it was never this bad. Shaking, Daine drew his knees up to his chest, bowing his back even though the movement made the scar burn like fire. It distracted from the other pain though, at least. And eventually, either from his own exhaustion or just from the pain pushing him over the edge, Daine found himself uncurling and falling onto his side, letting sleep embrace him once more. And this time, he didn't dream.

The pain was still there when Daine fully awoke the next morning, though. He groaned, rubbing his hands over his face as the pain made him hunch his back. It was like... well, not exactly like someone had driven nails into his back, but almost like... like something was trying to push out through his skin, just as his wings had the first time. Maybe that was what was happening? Maybe they were growing back? Daine didn't know, but he knew exactly who would be able to help him with this. After all, the wonderful magician was able to help him with everything else.

The one saving grace, Daine reflected as he ate his usual morning slice of chocolate cake (he was running out, he needed to ask Louisa to bake him another one), was that he didn't need to meet Willow for coffee in Firgrove this morning. He had no plans at all for today, actually, which was just what he needed on a day like this. A day when the pain was worse than it had ever been before. Sure, he'd felt twinges sometimes, usually when entering areas with high magical concentration, but nothing like this all-encompassing ache. It was like an infected tooth, not that he'd ever had one. Two infected teeth.

Curious now, Daine padded to the bathroom, where he held up a hand mirror and contorted his body so that he could see his back. Sure enough, the bright pink scar marred the otherwise-deeply tanned skin, but it didn't look bad. There were no hot red lines of infection spreading out from it, no pus oozing from it, not even any blisters or bulges that Daine could see. It was just the scar. There wasn't even any blood, though there had been sometimes.

"The fuck is wrong with you?" Daine muttered, tossing the hand mirror back into the drawer and frowning at himself in the mirror. There were dark circles under his eyes, a testament to how badly he'd slept. Yeah, he needed to get this dealt with before his lack of sleep started to have worse effects than just some fatigue.

Saddling up Cloud, Daine set out from South Hoof in the direction of Nilmer's Highland. His friends always joked that he was able to find his way back there without needing a map or signs, but Daine didn't care. It wasn't like he could read maps or signs, anyway. And besides, his friends were just as bad when it came to their favourite people, so there. At least he didn’t have the tether anymore, but for once, Daine felt himself wishing for it. Anything to stop the movement from jolting fresh pain through his back, bad enough that tears rolled down his cheeks and Cloud looked around at him in concern before Daine urged him to keep going, to gallop full-pelt until they reached the circus.

Arriving at the circus, Daine dismounted with a wince, stumbling slightly as pain flared in his back again. He groaned, feeling like an old man as he hunched over against the pain. Cloud gave him a worried look, huge eyes wide with concern and pinned on Daine. He offered his muzzle and side for Daine to cling to if need be, but Daine only stroked his hand along Cloud's greying side and tried to stand up as straight as he could. His back was still hunched, though, in an attempt to lessen the pain. It was agony, and even worse now that he was on Nilmer's Highland. Because of course, this was where the magical Pandorian energy was strongest, where Ydris had created a little 'pocket' of Pandoria where he'd be safe from the devastating effects of time. But it was the only solution that Daine could think of. And sure, maybe he just loved Ydris so much that he thought the magician could do anything, or maybe he was just 'thirsty' as Willow claimed, but Daine didn't care. Right now, he just wanted to lose himself in Ydris' arms for a few hours.

"Daniel?" Ydris asked as he emerged from the smaller tent where he told fortunes. Nobody was here right now, surprisingly. Maybe it was too early for all of Ydris' admirers. Daine filed this little fact away for later, when his back wasn't absolutely killing him. He tried to respond to Ydris, to greet him somehow, but as the Pandorian approached, fresh pain stabbed into Daine's scar, making him cry out almost soundlessly as he folded in half, trembling. Ydris' hands were on his shoulders immediately, trying to beg Daine to look at him, to please stand up, to be okay, to say something, anything.

"I need you," said Daine, tears sliding down his face. His teeth chattered. "P-please." He hated sounding desperate, but the pain was worse than ever before. As bad as it had been when he'd first awakened in Ydris' wagon after that ill-fated trip to Pandoria.

"Come on," said Ydris, his voice so gentle, so kind, that Daine found himself almost sobbing as he followed Ydris into his wagon. As usual, Ydris took Daine straight to his bedroom, but this time, it wasn't for any reasons of pleasure. Daine was in too much pain to even think about that right now as he sank down opposite Ydris on the bed. As Daine faced Ydris, he ducked his head, not wanting Ydris to see his tears and think him weak. Not that Ydris did see him weak, he'd told him as much many times. He'd called him magnificent.

"It's my scar," said Daine at last once he'd gotten his breathing under control. He looked up at Ydris, swallowing back tears even as more tears fell. "It hurts like hell and it feels like something's in there."

"May I remove your shirt?" Ydris asked. Daine nodded, allowing Ydris to peel the sweaty white shirt from his body. He'd been in too much pain to even contemplate putting his denim jacket on, much less his hoodie. Ydris hissed air in through his teeth as Daine turned around, showing off his scar.

"Is it bad?" Daine asked, looking over his shoulder at Ydris as he knelt in front of him. "I checked it before and it looked fine, it just hurt."

"My phoenix, seeing that scar is like daggers in my heart every time," said Ydris, his voice soft. "I cannot imagine the pain that it must have caused you."

"Yeah, it hurts like hell," said Daine. He pressed his lips together. "And I know you tried to heal it before, but do you think you can... try again? I don't even like the pain anymore."

"Of course, my phoenix," said Ydris. "You mentioned that it feels like something is in there?" Daine nodded, bracing himself for the inevitable pain. Maybe Ydris would have to reopen the scar and dig around until he found whatever it was. But maybe Ydris would be able to cast some kind of pain-killing spell.

"Do you think you could numb the pain somehow?" Daine asked, hoping that it wouldn't make him sound weak. He usually took some painkillers to dull the pain, but he'd forgotten this morning, too eager to get to Ydris.

"Unfortunately, I cannot," said Ydris, his voice heavy with regret. "If you cannot feel the pain, you will not be able to tell me if I have successfully rid you of it."

"Fuck," said Daine, squeezing his eyes shut. "Alright, fine, just- make it quick."

"Okay," said Ydris. "I am truly sorry for the pain that I must cause you, and if there were any other way, I would take it." 

Daine grimaced as he felt the magic crawl over his skin, this time making his stomach turn. And, as usually happened when he asked Ydris to play with his scar and the pain it caused, Daine quickly became aware of a prickling feeling dancing across his scar. It deepened, becoming a tingling that used to be maddening. And then, all too quickly now, Ydris' magic reached the core of the pain. It was like touching an exposed nerve, causing Daine's body to seize up, his back to arch, a soundless scream to leave his throat. But this time, the pain worsened until Daine found himself keeling over, fingers curling into the silken sheets while he found his voice and screamed. He could hear Ydris saying something, probably soothing words of reassurance, but Daine could barely hear him over the sound of his heart thundering in his ears and his own agonised screams.

"Stop, stop, make it stop," Daine sobbed, the pain beyond unbearable now. He felt, more than heard, the crack and the wet squelch of bone tearing through flesh and blood. And now, he could feel new, raw pain emanating from the two limbs that he'd honestly never expected to feel again. Ydris made a wounded sound, so unlike him, and drew his hands away, the magic leaving with them.

"Daniel, don't look," said Ydris, and this time, Daine could hear him. But he didn't obey. He knew what he'd find, but he needed to see.

"Show me," said Daine, his voice ragged and almost hoarse from screaming. He needed to see, needed something to distract himself from this looming spiral of memories he'd rather forget.

Before Daine's eyes, Ydris summoned an image, his arms resting lightly on either side of Daine’s torso as though he were afraid to touch him, as though he feared bringing Daine further pain. It was Daine's back, streaked in his blue blood, which Daine had been able to feel from the start, but with some new additions. His scar was still there, of course, the source of the blood that was still gushing down his skin. But jutting from the scar were two bony, bloody stumps of wings. They looked awful, the white of the bone showing through the blue blood and dark feathers that sparsely dotted the patches where skin had grown. The skin was weak, though, the bones spearing through. 

A part of Daine knew that these wings were new, not the same ones from before. So new that the brand new nerves in them sent fire through his veins, and not the good kind. But Daine's first thought was that this was what was left after Garnok had torn the wings from his body. Maybe the rest of them had retreated into his body, where they'd been healing, all this time. But that thought brought on the memories- the tentacles, the pink, the darkness, the sight of his friends being torn apart by Garnok, the screams of the dying, the pain of that day.

"Put them back," Daine whispered, his voice hoarse. He looked around the room with wide eyes, his heart slamming in his chest and undoubtedly sending fresh blood gushing out but he didn't care, all he could feel was the pain, all he could see was Pandoria. It didn't help that Ydris had decorated his wagon to look like his home. No matter what his eyes landed on, the grounding technique didn't work, it was all so pink. "Put them back, put them back, put them back." He turned in Ydris arms, the movement jostling his half-healed wings. Daine buried his head in Ydris' chest, body racked with pain, and let the tears flow.

"I am so sorry, my phoenix, I didn't know, I didn't think, I thought it was-" Ydris began, but Daine only keened and clung tightly to Ydris' body, wrapping his arms around the magician. Ydris was his anchor, no matter how transient, no matter how alien, no matter how morally grey, Ydris was what he always came back to, his true home. Even when Ydris was the one who'd caused the pain, Daine knew that Ydris could stop the pain. It didn't help at all that Daine's half-formed wings kept twitching as though trying to fly away, trying to escape the pain. Every movement sent fresh agony through him, eliciting more screams from Daine until he felt something tear in his throat and tasted blood.

"Put them back," Daine repeated, his voice broken, his eyes a shade of sunset as he looked up at his boyfriend with tears filling his eyes.

"Shh, I will, it's okay, I've got you," Ydris murmured. Daine caught a glimpse of Ydris' bloody hands as Ydris raised them back up, looping his arms around Daine and holding his hands out slightly away from the exposed bones. Through the pain, Daine felt warmth sinking into his skin, a warmth completely unlike the hot stickiness of blood. He still clung tightly to Ydris, though, dreading the moment when the magic came into contact with the appendages that he'd never expected to see again.

But, possibly because Ydris had now 'pulled out the thorn', so to speak, Ydris seemed to have no problem using a spell to numb the pain. Or maybe that was the healing magic, which Daine recognised from being healed by Louisa many, many times. He definitely appreciated the tingling warmth, though. It almost acted as a balm for the emotional trauma, too, but not quite. Those memories still lingered.

"There, that should help," said Ydris after the healing magic ebbed away. Daine missed the warmth, but he was glad that the pain, at least, was gone.

"Thank you," said Daine, tears still sliding down his face. And then he clutched his boyfriend tighter as the memories crashed over him again.

Memories of trying to fight. Of fleeing. Of the screams of Aideen as Anne had been within his grasp and then ripped away again. Of tentacles rising up out of the depths, trying to snag one of Cloud's legs. Of trying to fly, trying to use the wings that he'd only gained just minutes ago. Of a searing pain, the snap of bone, the awful 'pop' as Garnok had snatched those wings right from Daine's body and sent him plummeting. The crunch of bone as he'd landed, and that encroaching darkness. And all through it, the coppery stench of blood, his blood, sharpening the memories.

Daine didn't quite know how to fight the memories. All he could do was cling to Ydris and sob like a broken man, the sounds being wrenched from his very soul itself. And maybe the wings were growing back, maybe that was a good thing. Or maybe that was all that was left. Maybe they'd grow back stunted now, thanks to his own sick fetish, this mistake, maybe he'd never be able to fly again. Maybe he didn't deserve to fly. Maybe he was Icarus, flown too close to the sun, destined to never again know that freedom, know the feeling of flying.

"It's okay," Ydris was murmuring into Daine's ear, rocking him slightly, soothingly. "I'm here, my phoenix. Mon amour. That monster will never hurt you again. You are here now, you are not in Pandoria, you are safe here on Jorvik. Nothing is going to hurt you, not if I can help it."

Daine believed him, clinging to that thought, that belief, like a life preserver thrown to a drowning man. That Ydris would always be there, would always help pull him out of that darkness, would always bring him back from the edge. Maybe he might never fly again, but with Ydris? Daine could at least feel alive. Feel normal, almost, even with all of the weird Pandorian stuff happening.


End file.
